


Red Tulips

by TessaTheDreamer



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - Human, Closeted Alec Lightwood, Florist Magnus Bane, Fluff, Grieving, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Clace, POV Alec Lightwood, POV Magnus Bane, Post-Max Lightwood's Death, Slow Burn, or as slow of a burn as i can write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-06-15 14:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15414918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TessaTheDreamer/pseuds/TessaTheDreamer
Summary: Alec Lightwood is a closeted college drop-out, grieving his brother's death.Magnus Bane is a newly-orphaned florist, taking life as it comes to him.When fate (and six red tulips) bring them together, love blooms and with it obstacles, conflicts and hidden fears.





	1. Alec

**Author's Note:**

> S/O to awful-aus on Tumblr for inspiring this fic.  
> 

The news hit me like a train. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t focus. I could barely stay alive. 

_ Max, my Max. _

I found out on Wednesday after dinner. Mom called my cell a dozen times, and when I finally answered, she could barely utter a word. She wept and she wept and she wept. Dad took the phone from her and spoke those dreaded words.

_ Oh, Max. _

My roommate, Jace, found me behind the kitchen counter, curled up in a ball, sobbing. He lead me to my room and stayed by my side until I passed out from crying.

_ Why you? _

The next day, I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. And the next. And the day after that. Jace had to force me to eat something. I owe him for that week. He helped me get back on my feet. Or at least the closest I could get to a standing position.

_ It should have been me. _

I dreaded going back home. I knew it would make it all worse, but I had to face it one day. The atmosphere when I arrived was worse than ever. No one smiled at my arrival. No one batted an eye. Mom acted as if I’ve always been there, Dad spent all his time in piles of paperwork, and Izzy, my sister, sat in her room all day.

_ I should have saved you. _

Now that I didn’t have someone to lean on, the empty hole that was left behind by Max turned into a black hole. It sucked me in, the whole family, and all our lives. I found myself silently walking around the park over and over, from sunrise to sunset. The steady pace of my feet was enough to keep my mind clear of most thoughts.

_ I should have been there for you. _

The funeral, organised by friends of the family, took place a day after my arrival. I don’t remember any of it. When I try to, it’s all one big black hole. I’m glad for that. 

_ Come back, Max. _

I found myself wandering to Max’s room, expecting to find him there, sitting on his bed reading manga or playing on his phone. Entering the house, I often found myself disappointed when I didn’t see Max in front of the TV playing some video game of his. When I laid out the table for our quiet family dinners, I always gave Max a place too, out of habit, only to remember he was gone. Forever. 

_ I’m sorry. _

 

***

 

Aline, my childhood best friend, came to see me before the funeral. She changed so much since I last saw her, I almost didn’t recognise her. She grew out her black hair and her face took on more sharp features, similar to her mother’s. 

She stayed for a few hours. We barely talked, exchanging one word questions and answers. We lay on my bed, side by side, like old times. I almost believed we were kids again.

She came to see me again a couple of days after the funeral. We took a walk through the city to Max’s grave, talking a bit more along the way, but falling silent as we approached Max. She placed a bouquet of red tulips at his headstone. We held hands all the way home.

The Penhallows invited me to dinner the next day. Patrick made vegetable stew. We sat at the table, reminiscing on old memories. It felt like going back in time to the same taste of the veggie stew, the loud laughs at the table, Jia’s warm, yet strict smiles, Patrick’s stories of brave demon-fighting warriors, the setting dust illuminated by the rising sun, the smells, the sounds, the tastes, the memories.

No one mentioned Max. 

With Aline’s help, I started getting better. The constant tears stopped, the words found me again. I talked to Izzy and Mom and Dad. Mostly Izzy. 

We ate dinners as a family again, talking again. There was still something missing - an important piece in a puzzle without which the picture cannot be complete, but we all knew that would always be the case. We continued on anyways.

The days got better, but the nights stayed the same. Most nights were sleepless, filled with regret, sadness, and fears. So many fears. Nights felt as if someone kept crushing my chest, sucking all air away. Nights were the worst, so I ran away from them. I took long walks under the moonlight, hoping I could run away from the darkness of the nights.

Two weeks after Max’s death, I took up a job at the local bar.

Three days later, I stole a red tulip from a garden on the way to visit Max’s grave. I don’t know what came over me. I was tired from working all day and barely sleeping at night, I felt guilty for never bringing Max any gifts and not caring for him enough during his last few months. I felt as if the world owed Max for taking away his life. It owed him at least a little flower.

Over the next weeks I kept on taking the tulips and making up explanations as for why it was fine. 

I am not a thief.

I am not a thief.

I am not a thief.

I am not a thief.


	2. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this sudden chapter order change but I decided to make a few changes to the format. rather than an Alec-centric fic, it'll look at both Magnus' and Alec's POVs. Hope you enjoy the little change

I found out about my parents’ death through a text message from my cousin. It came in the early hours of the morning containing just the factual words: ‘They’re dead.’ Without sugarcoating or trying to make me feel better. Oddly enough, I didn’t feel a thing.

_ Heartless. _

Fine, that is a blatant lie. I did feel a tinge of sadness. I felt it for a couple of seconds. It disappeared as quick as any feelings I’ve ever had for my family.

_ How can you not feel a thing? _

Another lie. The only feeling that never disappears is anger. I’m so full of anger - anger for abandoning me and ridiculing me and not being there for me when I needed it most. I’m filled with anger for the fact that they never gave me a real, loving family.

_ Messed up. _

The feelings came back at night. I sat in the darkness of the night, feelings of all kind thrown onto me. I suffocated under the pile of emotions. I didn’t sleep that night, like most nights before and after that one. Except this time, another burden was added onto my pile - another regret.

_ Screw up. _

I didn’t go to the funeral. There was no need. I wasn’t welcome. No one cared. No one does. No one ever does. 

_ No one cares. _

_ No one cares. _

_ No one cares. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for literally the shortest chapter ever. But this is a prologue-esque chapter. Longer ones are coming soooon!


	3. Alec

Alright, so I may be a thief. Alec Lightwood is a thief, everyone! But I couldn’t help it. I stole another tulip from the garden. 

As I walk towards the graveyard, the birds sing, the suns warms my skin and the sounds of cars passing by and the strangers’ conversations fill my ears. It’s a good distraction. I shouldn’t be happy but I am.

I stroke the petals of the tulip tucked into my jacket. It’s not a particularly nice one. The petals are a bit torn and the stem is bent, but Max would have loved it anyways. He loved red tulips no matter what state they were in. He would have been happy nonetheless.

My mood falters as soon as I enter the shades of the cemetery. Willows tower above me, sad in their nature, perfect for this kind of setting. The gravel crunches underneath my boots, as I walk through the rusty gate into the forest of headstones and head towards the small one by the back wall. It looks almost brand new.

I crouch in front of the grave surrounded by wilted bouquets of flowers, pictures, and small toys. The headstone reads ‘Maxwell Joseph Lightwood’ and underneath his birth and death date. The latter dates only two months ago, yet it feels like ten years ago.

Placing the single flower onto the pile of gifts, I stroke the smooth stone. It has not yet been eroded by time.

I jump up at the sudden crunch of gravel behind me, whirling around to see a young man, around twenty years old, standing five inches in front of me, his face painted with shock. He’s tall, slender and unusually dressed. His black-blue hair spikes up on his head. 

“Apologies for startling you.” he steps back with graceful fluidity, the expression on his face growing neutral. 

“It’s, um, fine,” I say, wishing my brain could think of something more elegant to say.

He doesn’t respond, but his weirdly-turquoise-and-golden eyes do. They look around the cemetery, casting awkward glances back at me. When they fall upon Max’s headstone, his eyebrows knit together.

“I’m sorry, but what are you doing here?” my mouth says, before my brain can interfere and tell me what a stupid idea that is.

He tries to hide his amusement by looking offended. “I’m not allowed to visit the cemetery now?” I detect a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Sorry. I just- No one ever comes here,” I say, looking down at my boots. They seem especially interesting right now.

“You’re right,” he says. I look up at him, shocked. 

“How so?”

He extends his hand, decorated with rings. “I’m Magnus Bane, owner of the garden you’ve been stealing tulips from.”

“Oh,” I feel myself blushing, “I’m so sorry. I-” 

“It’s fine. I don’t mind it,” he interrupts me, “I just wanted to follow you to see if the girl you were stealing flowers for was pretty enough. But this,” he gestures to our surroundings, ”this makes it all very awkward.”

I don’t reply, dumbfounded by what I’ve heard. Magnus Bane waits, looking at me as if he’s hoping I’ll say something.

He clears his throat, stepping closer to me, his face five inches from mine. I feel my heart hammering in my chest as if it was to burst out any second.

He puts his hand on my shoulder, “I’m so sorry for your loss, Alexander.”

And before I can ask how he knows my name, he’s gone, only a glittering business card left in  my hand.

I’m left in the silence of the cemetery, my heart thudding in my chest, emotions swirling in my head.

***

I walk home from work, staring at the business card. It’s a cream coloured card with glittery painted flowers whirling around the fancy lettering. I cannot focus on a single thought, thus my brain cannot think of what to do with this tiny piece of paper.

At night I lay in bed, absentmindedly stroking the card. As I look up at the bare ceiling, I try to empty my brain. It’s a mess and I don’t know what I’m thinking. It’s all a mess.

That same night, I fall asleep early and, for the first time in weeks, wake up in the morning after a nightmare-less night.

I get dressed and take Mom’s car. It’s a small finely polished car, great to ride in if you’re used to it and can get it to cooperate. I drive to the address on the business card, which I do not recognise.

Bane’s Blooms is located at the other side of the city, a side I never cared to visit. It’s at the bottom of a small apartment building, flower bushes growing all around the walls. The entrance arch is grown over with neatly trimmed roses. 

I hesitate before opening the door. I almost wish Magnus Bane isn’t at the cash register the moment I walk in. But he is, his hair falling flat across his forehead, bright makeup around his eyes, his almost-neon suit extravagant as usual. He’s talking to someone sitting on a stool by the counter, his hands waving expressively.

The man Magnus is talking to looks around thirty, rare wrinkles scattered across his tanned face. Unlike Bane, his greying hair is neat and trimmed. He’s dressed in a green ACDC shirt and khaki pants.

Both men turn to me at the sound of the bell above the door. I instantly feel my face flush. Magnus gives me a knowing smile, while his friend rolls his eyes.

“Hello,” I say, stepping inside the shop. It smells of flowers I can’t recognise and cheap cologne. Vases of flowers cluttered the floor by the walls and all shelves and hangers.

“Hello, Alexander.” Magnus smiles warmly, dismissing the scowls of his friend, “What brings you here?” 

“Um…” I glance sideways at Magnus’ friend. When I notice he seems to be indifferent to our conversation, I gather more courage. “You gave me your business card. I thought I should come here and apologise for taking your flowers and ask if there’s anything I could do to repay you.” I blurt out all in one breath.

The man beside Magnus laughs.

“Oh, be quiet, Ragnor.” Magnus smacks his friend, who’s apparently called Ragnor, and looks back at me apologetically.

“So… um… Is there anything I could do?” I ask.

Magnus studies me for a few seconds. “Coffee. You can take me for coffee.” 

My breath catches in my chest. “I- um- su- coffee?”

He nods. Behind him, Ragnor cackles.

“Of course, sure. Is tomorrow at ten alright with you?” I ask, instilling fake confidence into my voice.

Magnus nods, studying my face, and walks up to me from behind the cash register. He leans closer to me, resting his hand on my shoulder.

“It doesn’t have to be a date,” he whispers into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. 

Magnus leaves to water the flowers, and I turn on my heel towards the door. I pause before the door. 

“I have one last question,” I say, looking at Magnus watering the lillies. He glances up at me. “How did you know my name?”

He smiles fondly, a pinch of amusement in the grin. “It was on your work uniform, Alexander.”

I nod, then start to leave. Before I close the door behind me, I lean back into the shop and look smugly at Bane. “For the record, it’s Alec.” 

I leave before I can get a reaction from Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading so far! I hope you're enjoying the first two parts of Red Tulips.


	4. Magnus

The bell rings as the door shuts behind Alec. I try to focus on pouring the water into the pot of lilies, but my hands are shaking and I’m spilling water everywhere. My heart feels as if it’s about to leap out of my chest and I can barely breathe. I feel Ragnor’s gaze on me.

“What?” I say, looking up at my friend sitting on his chair with an exasperated look on his face.

He sighs, shifting in his seat. “You’ve fallen,” he paints a  worried smile on his face, “for another one.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I say, turning away towards the wall of flowers. Yet, I know I’m lying and so does he. I know what he means. 

“You do,” Ragnor’s gaze burns into the back of my head. “You’ve found yourself another blue-eyed, black-haired boy, who’s going to break your heart.”

“He’s not another boy!” I lash out, throwing out my pent up aggression. I take a deep breath, before speaking again. “I haven’t fallen for him.”

Ragnor shakes his head. “I’ve known you since you were a wee little baby, Mags,” he says, “I can see you’re into him.”

I frown and turn away to hide my face.

“I can also see he’s not right for you. He’ll break your heart if you engage with him further.” He says calmly.

“He’s not like that. He… seems nice,” I mutter.

“I agree, he does. He might not want to break your heart, but he will unintentionally,” Ragnor explains, “I suggest you cut ties with him immediately. Tell him you can’t go for coffee. If you stop all these shenanigans early enough, you might spare yourself the heartbreak.”

I walk over to the cash register, slamming the watering can onto the floor. I press my lips together, fighting back tears and the pent up anger still left in me. But I can’t hold it in.

“I’m so sick of you and your stupid advice, Ragnor!” I shout, not being able to control myself anymore, “What if he’s the right one? What if after all this heartbreak, he’s the chance I have at happiness?” Tears cloud my vision, falling down my cheeks onto the counter.

“Mags-”

“I don’t have anything else to lose.” I sit on a chair behind the counter. “So what if he breaks my heart? It’s already beyond repair.” I cover my face.

Ragnor’s calloused hand strokes my head. We sit in a comfortable silence until the tears stop coming and the anger has evaporated.

 

***

 

It’s late at night when I finally close the flower shop. The moon casts a magical shimmer onto the world. A couple of bats fly by, almost invisible in the dark sky. A couple of college kids occupy the swings on a nearby playground, laughing and drinking cheap beer.

I twist the lock shut and stuff the set of keys into the pocket of my blazer. As I walk out onto the main street, I whistle a tune that’s been stuck in my head since last night.

The wide street is lined with lamps, some of which flicker suspiciously. Moths cloud around the source of light, casting slight shadows. Silence folds around me, only broken by the occasional car driving through.

_ I wonder what Alexander’s doing right now?  _

I mentally slap myself for the damned thought, focusing on my shoes hitting the pavement. They’re pretty shoes, one of my nicest pair. They are black, with a thick golden stripe above the sole. They glimmer in the moonlight.

I cannot help, but think of moonlight bouncing off Alec’s black hair, his hand in mine, another set of footsteps echoing through the silence, his presence and warmth by my side.

When I shake myself out of the daydream, I’m alone, only one pair of shoes walking on the sidewalk, my hand cold.

I feel empty inside. The silence of the night seeping into my heart.

 

I climb up the flight of stairs to my apartement, the electrical light not as magical as the moon’s. The apartment is at the top of the building. The lock clicks as I unlock the door and walk inside. 

 

Only one lamp is lit in the living room. The light emanates from the corner, furniture casting shadows across the floor. My roommate, Raphael, is looking in my direction as I walk in. He sits on the couch, a Spanish book propped on his lap. His gaze is indifferent.

“You’ve come back late. Again,” he says. His voice sounds like rustling leaves.

“What do you care?” I huff.

“Do I look like I do?” he says and continues reading, ignoring my presence.

“Screw you!” I grunt, walking into my room.

It’s dark inside, but I don’t bother turning on the light. I discard the blazer onto the chair. Exhausted, I collapse onto the bed and immediately fall asleep.

At night I dream of a boy - a black-haired, blue-eyed boy. We are teenagers, sat at the edge of the lake, our feet in the ice cold water. Colourful fish swim around us, as if playing tag. But I’m not looking at the fish. My eyes are on the boy. His lips are shaped into an amused grin, showing off his pearly teeth. 

He says something and I laugh. He takes my hand. It’s soft. He says something again, arrogant and witty and so much like him. His piercing blue eyes look into mine. They’re not happy anymore. They’re not even his; they’re Alec’s and they’re filled with so much sadness.

 

In the morning I don’t remember my dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm... was that a bit too depressing? Sorry, but at the same time, not sorry.  
> I hope you enjoyed that anyways!


	5. Alec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer wait for this chapter. I'm currently on vacation and I don't have that much time to write. So if you would like to keep up with me and when I'm going to post new chapters, as well as get some sneak peaks, extra chapters and other extra stuff regarding Red Tulips (playlists, moodboards, etc) follow me on Tumblr at written-in-flames (https://written-in-flames.tumblr.com). If you have Tumblr, hit up the ask box and introduce yourselves because I'd love to get to know everyone who takes time to read my work. If you don't have Tumblr, I'm also on Twitter at @MTStarship. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

I stand in front of the wardrobe, discarded clothes scattered all around me. They’re mostly black shirts, black pants, a couple of pairs of jeans, and a few old sweaters. There’s one too-small button-up from high school and one I bought for a special occasion, but that one’s too fancy for coffee. At the back of the wardrobe are my funeral clothes. No way in hell am I wearing them to coffee. No way in hell am I wearing them again, period.  
  
After shaking this whole wardrobe through again and again, I cannot find the right outfit to wear to meet Magnus Bane. I don’t actually care about fashion. If she were here, Izzy would say she can see that. I don’t know why I care so much now. I’m not sure whether it’s because I don’t want to look underdressed next to Magnus’ extravagant outfits or whether I want to impress a new friend, but I do care this time and I hate it. I’m close to going to Izzy for help.   
  
As if she read my mind, the doors swing open and there she is.   
  
“Alec, Mom wants to know if-“ she pauses, looking around my room. She casts me a questioning look. “What are you doing?”   
  
I feel myself going red. Fumbling with the clothes hanging out of the wardrobe, I try to push it shut. Except, it’s not worth it anymore.   
  
“Are you dressing up?” she asks, her voice shocked, yet excited at the same time.   
  
“Technically.” I nod, “Although it’s just for coffee. I don’t think you need to particularly dress up for that.”   
  
“You don’t think you need to dress up for anything, Alec,” she says, “That’s why I’m a little surprised you’re fussing about your outfit so much. What’s the special occasion?”   
  
“It’s nothing,” I say, but, of course, Izzy being herself reads into me more than I do myself.   
  
She gasps. “Are you going on a date?”   
  
“N- n- no.” I try to speak in a normal voice, but I can never work properly, can I?  
  
“Oh my god! Who’s the guy? Are you dating yet? Is he your boyfriend already?” she bombards me with questions.   
  
“Shhhh!” I close the door behind her, peeking to see whether anyone was near beforehand. “Sure, go ahead and announce to the whole world that I’m g-“ I choke, my face growing warm, the familiar knot inside my stomach pulling itself tighter.   
  
“Sorry,” she says, frowning. Then, she lights up, “But is he your boyfriend?” she whispers.   
  
I sigh. “He’s not my boyfriend and I’m not going on a date. I’m just meeting a new friend that I have a debt to pay back to.” I explain.   
  
Izzy rolls her eyes. “Fine. Can I still help?” she points at the clothes.   
  
I nod, standing back to give the fashion queen some space. Soon enough, after too many comments about my choice of clothing and disappointed sighs, I have an outfit that I can go with – perfect for coffee with Magnus.   
  
When I leave the house, Izzy looks at me as if she knows something I don’t. She probably does.   
  
***

When I arrive at the café, Magnus isn’t there yet. It’s an open-space, commercial-like place with tall tables and high chairs – white with red and turquoise stripes. The white surfaces are splattered with different kinds of foods. I’m not a designer, nor do I know anything about colours or décor, but it doesn’t look good.

I sit at the cleanest table I can find and look through the coffee options. It’s quite loud inside; kids are running around, while their parents, stricken with panic, try to calm them down. The machines at the counter beep and hum. I look at my watch. Only 5 minutes have passed since I arrived.

“Can I get you something?” a waiter comes over to the table. He’s young and handsome. A small stubble dotting his chiseled jaw. His lips are thin and pink.

“Um…” I stumble over my words, “Not yet, I’m waiting for someone.” I say and he smiles. It’s almost a knowing smile, although I’m not sure what he would know about me. Why does everyone seem like they know something I don’t?

He leaves and I go back to looking at my watch. Just as the clock strikes ten past, Magnus rushes inside. He looks around the room and stops when his eyes meet mine. He smiles and walks over to the table.

“I’m so sorry for being late. It doesn’t usually happen to me,” he says, sitting opposite me. “I had an… appointment.” He looks pretty today. His hair stands up in spikes, glittering in the electric light of the café. Golden eye shadow decorates his eyelids, coordinating with the golden stripes on his shoes and the buttons on his shirt.

“It’s okay. Ten minutes is excusable.” I smile, “Although, if it was eleven minutes…” I joke.

He laughs and it sounds like bells ringing.

“How are you today, Alec?” he asks.

“Good,” I say and wish I was witty enough to think of something clever to say, like Jace does, “Better now that you’re here.” I add without thinking and wish I had a filter. Was that flirtatious? I glance nervously around, hoping no one heard me. “And you?”

“I’m well, but this café is making me feel not-so-well. It’s not a very nice place to be on such a nice day,” he says, looking around at the interior. So I wasn’t the only one.

“We can get takeout coffee and go to a park if you want,” I say.

He nods. “That’d be nice.”

We buy the coffee, an awkward silence falling between us, and leave the café.

The sun warms my back as we walk towards the park. We walk side by side, Magnus talking about the owners of each passing shop and his stories with them. It’s interesting and I’m thankful we’re not silent.

Magnus finishes another one of his stories as we reach the park. I finally pluck up the courage to ask what’s been at the back of my mind since I met him.

“Magnus,” he looks at me, “why did you think I was stealing the tulips for a girl I was meeting?”

He looks taken aback by my question. “I’m usually good at reading people.” He says after a minute of thought, “I know much about a person from just looking at them. But you… I couldn’t figure you out using whatever intuition or sense I have, so I went for the most logical explanation. Most people give tulips, especially red, to the living that they love, not the dead. Even in the flower language, red tulips are used to represent love and affection.”

“You know the flower language?” I ask him.

“It’s like my mother tongue,” he says.

We enter the shady park and sit on a bench facing the small lake.

“Have you always had an interest in flowers?” I ask Magnus.

He nods, not bothering to speak.

“Is that why you opened the flower shop?”

“Why else would I open a flower shop?” he laughs, “Because it pays well? You’d be surprised. You either open a flower shop because you love it or move on to a different career choice.”

“Have you had that shop for a long time?”

“Since I was fifteen,” he says, his eyes glossing over as if looking at the past, “maybe fourteen. It wasn’t mine then. My friend Ragnor, you’ve met him, opened it for me. I spent most of my time between school and sleep working there, making bouquets. You should come over to the shop one day. I can make you a more appropriate bouquet for Maxwell.”

“That’d be nice. I might come over one day.” I say, then add, “You went to school here?” I shoo away a duck with my foot.

“For the last few years of my education, yes,” he says, “Not to your parents’ school, of course. I assume you went there?”

I’m shocked. “Yes, but how do you know my parents have a school?”

“It’s the most prestigious school in the whole city. Who doesn’t know about it?”

I might have forgotten about how famous the Lightwood’s school is.

Magnus plucks a flower, and looks at it, twisting it between his thumb and middle finger, the rings on his hand rubbing against each other.

“Are you in college now?” he asks, still looking at the flower.

“Yes, although I took a break when-“ I pause, “I went to college a few hours away from here, but I’m not sure whether I’ll continue it any time soon. I can’t imagine going back there after everything that’s happened. How do I go back to normality – friends, learning, parties, dating – after everything turned upside down?”

I stop the reel of words. Magnus is quiet, looking at me, as if reading me.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

He touches my hand, but quickly takes it away.

We sit and talk for a few hours.

 

On the way back home I stop over at Max’s grave. The red tulips have wilted, so I throw them away. I sit, looking at the headstone. I feel sad, though I should be happy.

Everything used to be so much easier before he died. The most painful thing I felt was the splitting headache after a night of drinking. The saddest moments were watching tear-jerking movies with Clary and Jace. The only reasons why I stayed up all night was to study. I never had nightmares, never felt all air disappearing from my chest as I cried, never felt as if someone was punching my chest until I couldn’t breathe.

I wish I could go back to the good old days.

***

After the family dinner, I hear a knock on my bedroom door. Izzy walks inside. She has her usual concerned face on.

“What do you want, Izzy?” I ask, putting down the book I was reading.

She closes the door and sits at the foot of my bed, looking at me.

“Are you alright, Alec?” she asks.

“I’m fine. I don’t know why you’d think I’m not,” I scoff.

“You seemed upset at dinner. Is anything wrong? Is it that friend of yours?” She asks, but I don’t answer, so she continues, “Is it Max? We know you’re sensitive, and it’s alright if it is. You can talk to me about it.”

“I’m not sensitive!” I say. Izzy rolls her eyes.

“We both know you are very sensitive, Alec. Remember when you cried for three days after watching Coco?” she says.

“Only the coldhearted didn’t cry, during that movie.” I laugh.

“Max tried not to cry so hard, remember?” Izzy laughs at the memory, “His little scrunched up face was so adorable.”

“And when he finally let himself secretly cry and then denied it for the next few weeks until we saw the Titanic and he saw you cry your eyes out.”

I smile at Izzy.

“I miss him. I miss him so much.” I admit, “Sometimes it feels like the whole world is crumbling down onto me when I think about the fact that he’s gone.”

Izzy doesn’t say anything, but I can feel she understands me.

“It’s been so hard since he died. I thought I’d come home ready to tell Mom and Dad that I’m- ready to come out and accept whatever they thought of me, but after Max died, even thinking of it makes me feel like a disappointment.” I blurt out in a wave of honesty.

“Alec, you’re not a disappointment,” she tries to reassure me.

“Izzy, imagine losing a son and then finding out your other one is gay.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that-“

“Tell that to everyone who’s ever looked at me weird for holding hands with a guy. And to Mom and Dad every time they talk down anyone who’s gay. It may not be directed at me, but it doesn’t hurt any less.” I say and it physically hurts.

Izzy takes my hand and holds it until I’m too tired to be sad.


	6. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait for this next chapter, but I'm back and the next ones will come very very soon. Brace yourselves, they'll be a roller coaster.   
> I hope you enjoy this one for now.

The sun is shining through the skylight when Alexander walks in through the door of the shop, the bell ringing. I look up from the bouquet I’m giving my final touches to. He seems taller today, less slouchy. He’s wearing a frayed grey sweater and black jeans – not as extravagant as his outfit last time I saw him, but anything he wears looks good. Or maybe that’s just me.

“Alec, hello!” I stand up to greet him. He looks around the shop, a neutral expression on his face. Today, the shop is a bit messy. Everything is out of place and the dust floating around the room is more visible than ever. Although, I think that’s the sun’s fault, not mine.

“Hello, Magnus,” he says, his lips quirking up in a quick smile.

“Apologies for the mess, I’ve been quite busy with a last minute order all morning,” I look around and the mess is bigger than I remembered it to be.

“That’s fine,” he says, walking over to the finished bouquets. They’re probably my best work for a long time; they’re a mix of colour coordinated flowers, each carrying a special hidden message and each unique. The decorations are a work of art too. “Who’s JC?” Alec asks, looking at the sticky note on one of the bouquets.

“A client. I don’t know who they are, to be exact. They called in and commissioned both orders through the phone,” I explain, leaning against the desk.

“They’re pretty,” Alec says, “the bouquets, I mean.”

I normally would have made a joke about the compliment, but it’s Alec who says it and my normal isn’t what Alec brings out in me. All I manage to do is mutter a quick thanks.

“So, what can I help you with, Alexander?” I cross my arms, and examine him with my eyes.

“Nothing, actually,” he says, a blush washing over his cheeks, “I wanted to see you again.”

I smirk, “Then how about we go to lunch together? If you’re free, of course.”

“I would like that.” Alec smiles warmly.

We exit the shop together. I lock the door and we depart, side by side.

***

Lunch takes us way too long – not the eating part, but the talking. We sit and talk and lose track of time, until I get a text from Ragnor asking me where I am. I try not to look so alarmed, but Alec sees my distress and we leave, Alexander paying for the both of us.

He offers to walk me back and I accept, wanting to be in his presence for as long as I can. Being away from him is like staying awake all night, your whole body exhausted, begging you to sleep. Being around him is like finally letting yourself exit into the dreamland.

We walk through the city streets, our arms so close they bump against each other every once in a while. The itchy fabric of his sweater brushes against my bare arm, yet it’s not uncomfortable. But I’m left wondering how on Earth he’s wearing a sweater in the summer. Or maybe how on Earth I’m wearing just a thin short-sleeved button-up. I don’t know how warm or cold it is, when all I can feel is the heat of his body.

I don’t pay much attention when a group of guys shout something as we pass by them. Alec does. My reflexes are fast, but he still manages to start at them, threatening to beat them up. I drag him away.

“Alec, don’t. They’re not worth it,” I say, touching his shoulder.

Alec grunts, his jaw locked, his eyes still full of anger. “They insulted you. They cannot get away with that.”

“They can and they did, Alexander. That’s the reality for now and I’ve gotten used to it,” I say, then add, under my breath so he doesn’t hear me, “and you should too.”

We walk the rest of the way in silence, I, shivering. Apparently, Alec was right to wear a sweater. Even though it’s the beginning of summer, the weather doesn’t act like it. It’s cold, windy, and cloudy. It starts to drizzle as we reach my shop.

I’m shocked to find it open, and even more shocked when I see Ragnor is inside tending to a customer. She’s a teen – blonde hair pleated down her back, a black jean jacket with decorated with emo band pins, torn jeans, and military boots. A fake tattoo crawls up the side of her collarbone onto the back of her neck.

Alec and I wait outside the shop. “Damn Ragnor! He’s gonna kill me.” I mutter, frustrated.

“Are you okay?” Alec asks.

“I’m fine. I shouldn’t have left Blooms for so long.”

Alec looks down at his feet. “Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I say, looking right into his eyes, “I should have had an eye on the time. And, for the record, it was worth it. I love spending time with you.”

He smiles. “I should get going,” he says after a minute of thought.

“Go, Alexander.” I smile too, “I hope to see you soon.” He only nods in reply, but that’s enough for me. He smiles again and walks away. I look after him until he disappears from my view. Then, I enter the shop.

Just as I do so, Ragnor finishes up the girl’s order.

“Here you go, Miss. Have a nice day,” he says, giving her the flowers, the tone of his voice and his smile both fake.

The girl leaves, saying a quick goodbye.

As soon as he finishes cleaning up, Ragnor turns to me, his customer smile disappearing “I see you’ve decided to grace us with your presence again.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I say, fidgeting with a loose string in my shirt.

“Yes, you do, Magnus. You left the shop in the middle of your shift for a considerable amount of time,” he explains, “Do you know how many customers we could have lost if I hadn’t come in early?”

“I’m sorry, Ragnor. It was just this one time,” I say, rolling my eyes.

He dismisses my eye roll, and continues, “Do you realise this is your only source of income? I am not lending you any more money in the near future. So, I suggest you buckle up and try your hardest not to be broke.” He rubs the sides of his temple in exasperation. “Don’t let lust disrupt your whole life, Magnus.”

I nod. “I’ll take over the rest of your shift.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts of this fic so far x


	7. Alec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the lack of updates for a while, I'm posting another chapter today. More coming sooooon!!  
> This chapter is dedicated to my one and only parabatai. Without her I wouldn't have ever written this fic.

“Which colour suits me best?” Aline asks, holding two dresses in front of me. They’re both blue, one a light sky blue, the other more of a navy blue. They’re sleeveless and quite nice – at least for my eye.

“I don’t know, Al. They’re both pretty. I’m not exactly a fashion expert. I wear almost the same outfit every day,” I say, trying to put some light-heartedness into my tone. Luckily, Aline knows me well enough to understand me. “Why didn’t you ask Izzy to help you with this?”

“She’s busy,” she says, looking at the two dresses again.

“Busy?”

“A date.”

“A date?”

Al immediately clasps a hand over her mouth. “I should not have said that.”

“Why am I only just hearing about this?” I inquire.

“She wanted to be quiet about it. Didn’t want her big bro being overprotective,” she says, defeated, “I must agree with her. You can get _very_ overprotective.”

I roll my eyes.

“Let’s get back to the business at hand,” Aline says, examining the two dresses.

“Why am I doing this again?” I ask.

“Because I’m your date,” she says, “and you’ve been acting aloof these past few days. You need to do something other than go to work and sit in your room.”

“Couldn’t we do something that doesn’t involve clothes? Go out for dinner, see a movie, go for a midnight walk to the park, the possibilities are endless,” I say.

“You listed three,” she retorts. I can’t help, but laugh. It’s been so long since we spent time like this. Just the two of us – happy, joking around.

“Alec,” I hear a familiar voice behind me, “fancy seeing you here.”

I twist around to see a familiar pair of eyes looking at me, joyful and amused.

“Magnus, hello.” I say, smiling at him.

“Who’s this?” Aline whispers into my ear, her hands leaning against my shoulder.

“Oh, Aline, this is Magnus Bane. He owns a flower shop,” I say.

“Magnus,” Aline hugs him, Magnus hesitantly returning the hug, “It’s nice to finally meet you. Alec has told me so much about you. I’m Aline. Penhallow.” She adds

Magnus smiles, “Nice to meet you too, Aline,” he says, then looks at the mess of clothes in the changing room behind us. “I see you’ve managed to drag Alec shopping. What’s the occasion?”

I start to say something, but Aline interrupts me, “I’m Alec’s date to his parents’ annual party,” she says enthusiastically, “Speaking of which, I see you’re good at fashion,” she points at Magnus’ flowery suit, “which dress would you choose?” she holds up the two blue dresses. It only takes a few seconds for Magnus to point at the navy blue one.

“It brings out your hair,” only when he says that, I notice Al’s black hair has a blue undertone to it.

“Thank you. I thought it’d take us two more hours before Alec helped me decide,” she laughs, then turns to me, “I’m going to pay for this, then we can go see a movie if you wish,” she says, patting her pockets, “Damn it, I left my wallet at home. Can you lend me some cash? I’ll pay you back as soon as possible.”

I chuckle, and give her my wallet, “Help yourself.”

She takes it, “You’re a lifesaver, Alec.” Standing on her toes, she gives me a peck on the cheek, before walking to the cashier.

When I turn back to Magnus, he’s looking down at his nails. “She’s nice. You deserve her,” he says.

I don’t know how to reply to that, but Magnus saves me from answering again.

“I should go. It was nice seeing you again,” he says softly, touching my shoulder, and turns away.

Before I can say something, he’s gone.

I don’t move, until Aline comes back.

“Where’s Magnus?” she asks.

“He had to take care of something.”

***

As we stand in front of the doors to the school hall, I’m filled with childhood memories – seeing this gate every day while entering the school, playing tag around it. It looks different. The whole place does. That might be, because of the balloons on both sides of the entrance, or because I haven’t seen it in so long, but it’s changed.

Aline squeezes my hand, “We should go in. The party’s started already.”

She’s right. I can hear a slow rock ballad coming from under the door. I nod and we walk inside, pushing the wooden door open.

As soon as we walk in, I’m overwhelmed by everything in the room. The dim lights contrasting the flashing disco ball in the middle of the room. The smell of the food clashes with hundreds of different smells of perfume. People are slow-dancing in the middle, the others are trying to talk to each other over the music. It’s not as bad as a nightclub, but it’s not pleasant. For the School Staff and Alumni Annual Summer party, it gives off too many teenage-party vibes.

Aline drags me towards the dancefloor, “Come on, Alec! Stop frowning and have some fun.”

I give up and let her lead the way. Soon enough, the song has changed to something more upbeat and we’re dancing. Aline is laughing at my moves and I can’t help, but laugh too. For the first time, I let myself go and it feels as if it’s just me, Aline and music in my ears. The whole world disappears. Until the song stops and I go get us something to drink. For the next few songs, we sit by the wall of the room, drinking soda.

“Alec Lightwood!” someone exclaims and I almost drop my glass. It’s a woman, about my age. She looks familiar; even in the dim light I can see her eyes are two different colours, one a striking blue, the other a warm brown. Blonde hair cascades down her back in soft waves. “It’s me, stupid! Helen Blackthorn.”

As soon as she says the name, I connect the woman standing in front of me to the teenage girl in blond braids from my class.

“Helen!” I exclaim, hugging her, “How are you? I haven’t seen you in so long! What have you been up to?” I ask.

“I’ve come back home from college, specially for the party. I couldn’t miss it for the world,” she says, her wide toothy grin exactly like the one from years ago, “We _have_ to meet for coffee sometime soon!”

I’m brought back to reality, when Aline clears her throat behind us.

“Helen, you remember Aline Penhallow, right?” I say, looking from Al to Helen.

Helen’s eyes twinkle with an emotion I can’t put my finger on. “Aline, you look as beautiful as ever,” she says, her voice now calm and mature.

Aline’s breath catches in her chest.

“May I have this dance with you?” Helen asks, just as the song changes to a slow one. Aline nods, walking onto the dancefloor after Helen.

I’m left alone by the wall, Aline’s drink at the foot of my chair.

“This party’s a bore, am I right?” Magnus’ friend, Ragnor, appears at my side, a glass of wine in his hand.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, panicked, scanning the room in search of Magnus.

He sighs, “Don’t worry, Lightwood, Magnus isn’t here. I’m a teacher at this school, he isn’t.”

“You are? I don’t remember ever seeing you at the school.”

“Well, not yet, I’m not. I, as well as Sandra over there,” he points at a young woman in a glittering dark blue dress talking to Mom at the other side of the room. I recognise her as an old classmate of mine, “are the newest addition to the staff.”

“Huh. Good for you, I guess,” I say.

I expect him to walk away, but he doesn’t. He leans in close to my face and whispers, “Don’t hurt Magnus,” he leaves before I can reply.

My stomach twisted and my head pounding, I leave the room. Looking up at the starry sky, I breathe in the cold night air. It’s quiet, save for the few cars driving by a few streets down.

Suddenly, I’m joined by someone. I glance sideways to see it’s my old classmate, Sandra.

“You’re Alec, right?” she says. I nod. “Are you alright? I saw you leave the party. You didn’t look so well.”

“I’m fine, thanks. Just needed some fresh air.” I smile at her. Her deep brown eyes stare at me quizzically.

“The party can get quite overwhelming,” she nods, affirmatively, “I should get back, though. I need to socialize with my future colleagues.” She sighs.

“Good luck with that,” I say, smiling back at her.”

“Have hope, Alec. Everything will be all right,” she says, then disappears through the door into the loud party.

As the door shuts, blocking out the music again, I send a quick text to Aline and head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to let me know your thoughts in the comments and make sure to leave a kudos if you're enjoying Red Tulips x


	8. Magnus

It’s been roughly two weeks since I last saw Alec. Well, two and a half weeks. Two weeks and four days to be accurate. I might have counted. But I’m not upset. I’ve been too busy with work to think about what I’ve been feeling. From working at the shop to tending to my overgrown garden, I’ve kept myself busy. I tried to stay as far away from the tulips as I could.

On the 16 th day of not seeing Alec, I let Ragnor take over the shop a bit after midday. I wouldn’t have done so otherwise, but he insisted; he said I needed a break. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to have free time. I didn’t want to go to the perfectly maintained garden with just one overgrown patch – around the tulips, or to my apartement where I would most likely snap at Raphael. Thus, I did what I thought I’d never do; I drove to visit my parents.

Ragnor lent me his old, worn out Mazda and that’s how I ended up on the road to my dear old town to visit my parents – their graves, to be exact.

 

As I drive into the busy city, I roll up the windows, the smell of car fumes and burnt street food seeping into the car. The city’s changed so much since I last saw it. The horizon is shielded from my view by glass skyscrapers. LED company logos stare at me from above. I pass the supermarket parking lot, which used to be a grown-over park; it was my favourite place to hang out when I needed to be alone.

I would have thought this place would bring back old memories, but it doesn’t. It’s changed too much to resurface any old emotions. Or I’m growing stone cold from all the heartbreak. Most likely both.

I’m surprised to see they haven’t built an office over the cemetery yet. It’s the only place with plants left. It’s well-kept – the graves renovated, the grass short and no trash lying around. I guess the dead deserve more than the living.

Leaving the car on the curb, I walk through the newly painted gate. It takes me a while to find their graves, but I manage. They’re buried side by side, two new headstones with their names inscribed in bronze lettering: ‘Tobias Phillips’ and ‘Sarah Goldman’ I read them again and again, yet the names do not elicit any feelings in me. Not anymore.

Only then do I realise I forgot to bring flowers.  _ They don’t deserve flowers _ , a voice at the back of my mind whispers.  _ They’re still my parents _ , I try to counteract it. As to not feel guilty, I pluck a couple of weeds and lay them by their graves- my parents’ graves.

I stand there for a few more minutes, then leave without a word. Climbing into the car, I look back at the graves for the last time, and a wave of sadness finally hits me. Not for my parents, their lives cut too short, so much life left to live, but for me – for the life I could have had, for the life I missed out on, because of them.

I drive away with another destination in mind, a place I haven’t visited in so long, a friend I haven’t seen in years.

 

Even though the sun hasn’t yet set, the lights in most apartments have already been lit. The apartment building I stop by is renovated, a minimalistic garden planted by the entrance. I ring the doorbell. Only a few seconds later a feminine voice sounds through the intercom, “Hello?”

“Hi, Catarina. It’s me,” I say, a smile forming on my face.

For a few seconds, there’s silence. Then the voice speaks again, “Magnus? Is that you?”

I nod, then remembering she can’t see me, say, “Yes, Cat. It’s me, Magnus.”

It’s quiet again. I’m about to leave when the door bursts open and a blurry human-esque shape leaps onto me, squashing my whole self, almost toppling both of us over.

“Magnus, I missed you so much!” Catarina cries. I sink into the hug, the familiar scent of her perfume soothing and comforting.

She leads me into her apartment and I can finally get a good look at her. She hasn’t changed much since I last saw her; her dark brown hair seems to be just as long as it was last time, her outfit as smart as ever. The only difference I see is the few extra wrinkles on her face.

We sit down in the kitchen, and Catarina makes us tea. She sits opposite me, the steam from her mug fogging up her glasses.

“What brings you here, Magnus?” she asks, taking a sip of the tea. I always wondered how she could drink it so hot without burning herself.

“I went to visit my parents’ graves. Thought I should stop by,” I explain.

She frowns, “How was it?”

I shrug, “I never cared about them, why should I care now?”

“Then why did you come so far to see them?” she lifts her eyebrow.

“Ragnor insisted.”

“No, he didn’t. I know Ragnor. He would never do that. You know, full well, he hated your parents,” she says.

“Fine. I needed to keep my mind busy,” I say.

“Alright, I believe you,” she assures me, “How’s Ragnor doing?” she says after a few seconds of silence.

“He got a new teaching job, did he tell you that?”  _ At Alec’s school. _

Catarina nods, “He did. He also told me he was worried about you. Now I see why. You seem like your mind is constantly somewhere else.”

I don’t reply, just look down at the dark brown tea, tapping my nails against the cup.

“Magnus, talk to me,” she says, her voice concerned, “You can tell me anything.”

I clear my throat. “It’s nothing, really. Ragnor is making a fuss about nothing.”

I look up into Catarina’s deep brown eyes. They’re full of love and warmth. I remember all our times together. I would visit her after school, she’d help me do my homework and tell me all about her plans for the future. I’d confide in her and she in me. She was like the big sister I never had. I can’t help but confide in her now.

“I thought I had a chance with someone. Turns out they’re not interested.” I say and wait for her to ask whether it was another black-haired, blue-eyed boy, or make a remark about me falling for the wrong person again, but she doesn’t. She takes my hand and smiles at me warmly.

“I’m sorry, Magnus,” she says softly, “It’ll get better. And when you finally do find someone who shares your feelings, you will realise all these heartbreaks were worth it in the end.”

For the first time, I do feel better.

“Thank you,” I whisper, then add after a minute of comfortable silence, “So, how are you, Cat?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Let me know your thoughts and predictions in the comments.  
> Thank you for all the previous comments and all the hits and kudos. I never imagined this fic would get above 1k hits. Thank you so so so much for reading x


	9. Alec

I lost count of how long I haven’t seen Magnus. I texted him three times, yet he never answered. Soon enough, I gave up. It’s his problem if he wants to ignore me.

I had no time to think about him anyways. I didn’t give myself time. Time means thinking and that means my brain can revisit those dark, demented places as it wills. I filled up my time with work and catching up with old friends.

Just this morning I had coffee with Helen. She told me about her new boss, and how great she is, she told me about her adventures in Russia, LA, London, and Belgium.

It was nice to see her again. I left feeling calmer than I’ve ever been. Until I walked back into the hurricane that is my home. Everyone was running around, cleaning, preparing food. All because of a dinner with the Penhallows. To be fair, it is the first dinner after our lives were flipped upside down. The first Penhallow-Lightwood dinner without Max.

That’s how I found myself at the dinner table, surrounded by chatter and delicious-smelling dishes. Patrick is telling a funny story – I know, because Izzy is laughing – but I didn’t hear the beginning of it, so I don’t bother listening to the rest. Dad’s talking to Jia about something related to management. I look at Aline. She seems to be just as lost as I am.

Jia’s voice brings me back to reality. “-heard you dropped out of college.”

The table goes quiet. Everyone looks at me.

I feel myself going red, “N- no. I didn’t drop out. I just took a bit of time off,” I explain, “After Max died, I knew I wasn’t in a good enough state to continue studying. For now.”

Jia nods.

“What about you, Aline? How’s college?” Dad asks Al. I’m relieved to have the attention away from me.

“It’s great. I’m studying Microbiology,” Al says, a hint of pride in her voice.

“That’s ambitious,” Mom says.

“It’s not actually as hard as it seems. Once you get a grip of the basics the rest is quite easy,” Aline says.

Luckily, the conversation shifts onto another topic, so Al and I are no longer the focus of everyone’s attention. Until Aline clears her throat.

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” she says calmly, then turns to me, “Alec, do you wanna come with?” Her gaze tells me I have no choice.

“Sure,” I say to Aline, who gives me a quick wink, then, “we’ll be back soon,” to everyone else.

Patrick smiles at me knowingly, although I don’t know what he knows about. I never do, do I?

Dad winks at me; I’ve never been so disturbed.

I walk after Aline, out through the front door. As soon as we leave the stuffy room, entering the crisp twilight air, I feel at ease again. Except, Al keeps on walking. I catch up to her.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“For a short walk,” she says slowly, taking deep breaths of the clearest air the city will ever have, “I wanna tell you something.”

We walk onto the sidewalk in front of the house. The sun has already set, but its light still dimly illuminates the world. A car drives by, disturbing the peaceful quiet of the evening.

“What is it?” I ask, once we turn the corner, “Are you alright?”

“Yes. I’ve never been better,” she replies, her voice hazy.

“What is it, then?”

“I’m going on a date.”

“A date?”

“A date,” she repeats.

“With whom?”

“Helen Blackthorn.”

I’m stunned, yet not surprised. Aline looks at me, worried.

“You’re going on a date with Helen Blackthorn,” I repeat to myself.

“Yes,” she says, uncertainly, “She’s been my crush since forever and I thought I should let that daydream go and move on with my life, and I did, but now it’s come true and-“

“I thought your crush in school was Mark,” I say, interrupting her outpouring.

“He would be if I was into guys. I had to choose someone to make it seem like I wasn’t a lesbian,” she explains, “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Yup.” I nod.

She looks at me, “What’s wrong, Alec?”

“Nothing, really,” I say, fidgeting with a loose thread in my shirt, “I just- Why didn’t you ever tell me? That you weren’t straight, I mean.”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

I raise my eyebrows at her.

She sighs, “I was scared. Now I’m not. Now I’m going on a date with my crush. Can you at least be a little happy for me?”

“I am. I’m just-“

“Weirded out?”

“-shocked. But I’m so happy for you,” I say, a grin forming on my face.

I pull her in for a hug. We linger like that for a couple of seconds.

“We should get back home. Our parents are probably thinking we’re making out or something,” I say.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she jokes, hitting my arm.

“Hey,” I laugh, “what’s with all the violence?”

Aline just laughs.

Before we enter the house, she kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you for being my friend,” she says.

***

At night I lay awake, thinking of Magnus. He keeps plaguing my mind – his turquoise eyes, his glittery hair, the sound of rings clattering against each other. I try to sleep, but the uneasiness of my memories of him keeps me awake. Why, after so long, am I thinking of his hand on mine, his face – still a stranger then – inches from mine when we first met, the soft vibration of his voice against my ear.

It clicks as soon as I start drifting off into a night full of dreams.

In the morning, I take the bus to Bane’s Blooms. If Aline is brave enough, I can be too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry :P  
> Chapter 10 comes out on Wednesday x


	10. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's quite a short one, but quality over quantity, right?  
> Hope you enjoy this one x

He enters like the storm, the bell at the door almost flying off its string. His eyes are bluer than ever, full of emotions, and his hair tousled, as if he’s been running his fingers through it. I can tell he dressed in a hurry, because his shirt is the wrong way round and one leg of his pants is rolled up, but the other isn’t. He seems to be out of breath, heaving, but trying to hide it, although he’s not doing a good job at it. His face is redder than a tomato.

I force myself to look away from Alec, returning to the task at hand: watering flowers. It’s not the most interesting task in the flower business, but I tried to pretend it was.

“Magnus,” I hear him say. He says it in a breathy sort of way, as if saying my name was like breathing for him.

That hurts more than anything. Just his voice, his presence, makes me want to kiss him.

Nevertheless, I talk to him. “Alexander, what can I do for you?” I turn towards him again, but not daring to make eye contact.

“You didn’t answer my texts,” he says.

I can’t help, but look into his eyes, hoping he’s joking. He’s not. His eyes are serious. And beautiful.

“What?” I say, trying to distract myself from his eyes.

“I texted you so many times and you never answered,” he says again and I want to laugh. I want to laugh and dismiss him and all his words.

“You came here, because I didn’t text you back?” I try to laugh him off, but it doesn’t sound convincing. I don’t sound like me.

“Yes,” he says.

“I was busy,” I say, turning away from him.

“I find that hard to believe,” he says, surprising both me and himself.

I don’t say anything. I can’t. I can’t bring myself to lie; I can’t tell the truth either.

“Magnus,” he says my name again, softly touching my shoulder.

My breathing quickens. I whip around. His face is inches from mine; His eyes gaze at me, as if seeing right through me. His mouth is gently curved, pink and soft. His eyelashes cast shadows onto his porcelain skin.

I hear my heart pounding in my ears. The room is spinning, but Alec stays still. I might kiss him. I think I will. I’m going to kiss him, then move to Antarctica. I stroke his cheek. I’m going to kiss him.

“Alec,” I say.

And then _he_ kisses _me_.

**Alec**

I don’t know how or why, but suddenly my mouth is on Magnus’ and it doesn’t feel real. It can’t be. I feel like I’m floating.

He’s everything I imagined him to be. He smells like earth and flowers and tastes like sugar.

**Magnus**

I don’t know what to think. He’s all around me: his sandalwood cologne, mint and scratchy wool. I sink into the kiss, cupping his chin.

Even if this is a dream, I’ll make it as real as possible.

**Alec**

I touch his chest. I can feel his heart pounding. Or maybe it’s mine.

It’s like I’m in a haze. What am I doing?

**Magnus**

Is this a good kiss? I think so. Alec is good at it. He feels hot; the whole world feels like it’s on fire.

**Alec**

I’m kissing Magnus Bane.

I’m kissing a guy.

I’m kissing Magnus, a guy.

I’m kissing Magnus Bane, a guy, in public, where anyone can walk in.

**Magnus**

 I see Aline’s face in my mind, Aline kissing Alec on the cheek, saying she’s his date. It feels wrong. Everything. All of it.

I break the kiss, stepping away from Alec. It takes everything I have to do so, but it’s the right thing to do.

“Alec-“ I start.

**Alec**

The way he says my name is like it’s a heartbeat, or a clash of cymbals at the end of a John Williams instrumental.

His eyes are wide open and so full of life – and regret.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, “Was I not good?”

“No, Alexander. You were amazing,” he says, “but it’s not right. Not when Aline…”

“What about Aline?” I ask, searching his eyes.

He looks at me. His eyes are desperate, full of pain.

“Aline is my best friend. What does she have to do with us?” I say, and immediately, his face changes, from pain to hope.

“She’s just your best friend?” he repeats. I nod.

Magnus strides up to me, grabs my waist and kisses me again. I stumble back, caught by surprise, but kiss back, touching his arm.

I jump back, as the door creaks open, a wave of cold air washing over me. Straightening my shirt, I notice it was Ragnor who walked in. He pretends not to notice me, instead looking at Magnus, shaking his head, though his eyes look fondly at him.

“I should go,” I say awkwardly.

Magnus nods.

“I’ll call you,” I say, as I leave the shop, but before the door fully closes I hear Magnus’ voice.

“I told you he’s not like the other ones,” he whispers.

“We’ll see,” I hear Ragnor reply.

Before I hear any more, the door shuts and I walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by one of the chapters in the amazing Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (10/10 would recommend)  
> Let me know what you think so far.  
> Next chapter coming on Saturday. Till then, stay awesome x


	11. Alec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but here is chapter 11, finally. Hopefully the wait for chapter 12 wont be as long. I hope you enjoy!

Colours seem brighter when you’re happy. Life seems more vibrant. Trees sway, as if dancing with the wind. Children laugh louder, happier. Birds sing songs of love. Life is more enjoyable when you’re happy.

I hear my phone chime. It’s a message from Magnus: ‘Sorry about Ragnor. He always seems to come in at the worst possible moments.’

‘We should go on a date. Somewhere where Ragnor won’t be able to interrupt us again.’ I text back, regretting it immediately. Is that too straightforward? Too awkward? Too eager?

A wave of relief washes over me, when I see a reply from Magnus pop up on my screen: ‘I’d love that. How about dinner on Saturday?’

‘I’d like that. Where?’ I text back, smiling.

‘Surprise me,’ he replies, adding a wink emoji at the end.

I put my phone into my pocket and grin at the sun. The sky is a diamond blue, white, marshmallow clouds floating around, as if in water.

The sound of car engines fill my ears. The smells of street food make my stomach growl with hunger. Kids are laughing, swinging on swings in a nearby park. Dogs sniff every corner of the sidewalk, pulling at the leash to go further, discover more. I lose track of time and before I know it, my house is towering above me, its large windows like eyes, staring at the beautiful surroundings.

I run up the stairs to my room, taking three steps at a time. It’s as messy as I left it, but I don’t care. I flop down onto the pile of clothes on my bed and close my eyes, trying to make myself believe this morning’s events. A knock at the door wakes me from my daze. I sit up to see Izzy in my room, frowning at the mess.

“Sorry about all this,” I gesture to the surroundings, “I was in a hurry this morning.”

“Speaking of, where did you run off to? Mom was livid that you left without a word!” Izzy says, crossing her arms.

I swear under my breath. “I’ll explain everything to her- well, not everything, but most of it- well, I’ll probably make something up-”

“You were with Magnus, weren’t you?” Izzy asks.

“How- how did you know? I mean, how can you be so sure?” I stumble over my words.

“It’s not that hard. You don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to connect all the dots and the fact that you’re glowing right now. You’re happy. You’re never happy, yet now you somehow look like the happiest person on the planet,” Izzy says.

I feel a blush creep up my neck.

“I was right!” Izzy exclaims, “You rushed to see Magnus! Are you two dating now?” she asks, her voice quieter.

“We’re going on our first date soon,” I mutter, trying to suppress my smile.

She claps a hand over her mouth, muffling an excited scream, “Finally!” she says from behind her hand, “I’ve waited so long for you two to finally admit your feeling without having to force you to, because that would be kind of rude, and you finally came to your senses,” she says in one breath.

I raise my eyebrows at her.

“I’m just so happy for you!” she cries, tackling me with a hug.

I hug her back, chuckling.

Then, an idea springs into my head and I spring up from my bed, muttering a quick sorry to my sister.

“I have to dash and do something very very important,” I say, “Tell Mom I’ll talk to her later.”

“Of course, don’t worry, Alec. I’ll deal with Mom,” she says, a confused look on her face.

***

“Are you going to stand there all day, or were you planning on finally coming in?” Patrick is leaning out of the door to the Penhallows’ house, smiling his usual goofy smile.

I walk through the door, giving Patrick a quick hug. It’s tidy inside. Jia is not one for cleaning, but Patrick is. He’s what some would call a neat freak. The dark wooden floors contrast the perfectly white walls and furniture. The interior is quite modern, although it’s still the same as ten years ago. A memory of splitting my head open on the cabinet by the door flashes in front of my eyes.

“What brings you here, son?” Patrick asks. Now that I finally get a good look at him, I see he’s got an apron on and a cloth hanging on his left shoulder. He’s been cooking.

“I wanted to talk to Aline,” I say, looking at the wooden staircase leading up to the first floor.

“Don’t you kids have technology for that?” Patrick jokes.

I laugh.

“Go on,” he gestures upstairs, “I need to get back to my _consommé_.”

With that, I run up to Aline’s room.

She’s at her desk when I enter, enthusiastically typing on her laptop. Her nose is scrunched up in concentration. A pair of cheap headphones sit on her head, music heard even from outside her room. I knock on the doorframe, loudly enough for her to hear me through her song. She jumps up, facing me.

“Oh, it’s you,” she says, “What’s going on?” she asks, turning her swivel chair away from the laptop.

She gestures towards her bed. It’s neat, unlike mine, with coloured pillows piled up by the bedframe. I lean against them, throwing off my shoes.

“What is it, Alec?” she repeats softly.

“You know how you told me you were going on a date with Helen?” I say. She nods, looking intently at me. “Well, that inspired me… to ask someone out. And that someone is Magnus Bane.”

A smile forms on her face. “That’s great, Alec. I’m so happy for you,” she says, though I hear a note of uncertainty in her voice. Or maybe that’s just me.

“What’s wrong, Al?” I frown.

“Nothing. It’s just- why didn’t you ever tell me you were into guys?”

“I guess I was scared.” I say after a second of thought.

“ _Touché_.”

***

Saturday comes around faster than I expected and before I know it I’m standing in front of Magnus’ apartment, knocking on the door. It’s a modern sort of place. The LED lights produce an almost surreal image of the building. The walls seem industrial. A wilted plant sits in a pot in the corner by the other door on this floor. I make a wild guess that it’s not Magnus’.

They door’s opened by someone who is definitely not Magnus – he’s shorter, dark skinned and younger-looking with neatly trimmed black hair neatly positioned on his head. He looks around sixteen, yet from the way he hold himself and the clean and even stubble on his face, I know he’s older than that. His thick eyebrows are knitted together in a grimace. His sunken eyes look at me as if trying to look through me and into my soul.

“You’re Alexander?” he asks, a slight accent decorating his voice.

“Yes. Who are you?” I ask.

“Raphael,” he replies nonchalantly. Magnus has told me about him, “Magnus is still getting ready,” he adds.

“Alright, I’ll wait for him here,” I say, stepping away from the door.

He looks behind at the apartment, then steps out onto the Welcome mat. I try to step back, but he pulls me in by my shirt. I almost yelp in surprise.

“What-?”

“A word of advice,” he whispers, his teeth clenched, “don’t break his heart. If you do, I _will_ destroy you.”

He lets me go. I stumble backwards.

“I thought you didn’t care about Magnus,” I say, smoothing out my shirt.

He rolls his eyes, his face back to the indifferent expression, “And I thought you’d be as much of a _cabrón_ as the others,” Raphael says.

Just then, Magnus appears behind his roommate, a smile plastered on his face. He’s wearing a flowery suit, somehow managing to make it look casual. His hair is slicked to the back.

“Alexander!” he exclaims, “Apologies for making you wait.”

Raphael walks away, rolling his eyes, as Magnus comes up to me. His lips brush against mine. I smile.

“Let’s go,” I say, intertwining his fingers with mine.


	12. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! In honour of the holiday, here is the long-in-the-workds chapter! Hope you enjoy x And don't worry, the next one will come sooner.

“Sorry about Raphael. He can be a bit intimidating sometimes,” I say as the door shuts behind us.

“Don’t worry. You’ve told me about him, remember?” Alec chuckles, “’I think my roommate hates me. He’s so annoying.’” He says in a deep voice.

“I _don’t_ speak like that!” I laugh.

We walk down the stairs, our shoulders touching, our hands clasped together. As soon as we step outside, Alexander’s smile dims and he lets go of my hand. He’s frantically looking around. He looks around frantically. His eyes don’t meet mine. Only when I put my hand on his shoulder he glances at me apologetically.

“Shall we go?” I say.

“Yes, sorry,” he nods, “My car’s that way.”

We walk, only the sound of shoes hitting the pavement between us. The silence is almost as uncomfortable as the distance Alec is making sure we keep.

Even then, he opens the passenger door for me. I climb inside. His car is clean. It smells like lavender and some kind of perfume. He starts it up and takes off. We sit in silence for a couple of minutes.

“Where are we going?” I ask, breaking the silence.

Alec’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. He seems startled.

“Um… Well, I don’t know what you like, so I picked some restaurant that sounded fancy,” he says with a hint of forced humor in his voice.

I nod, but, for the first time, don’t know what to say. We barely speak the rest of the way. I try to keep the conversation going, but it’s as if the spark we had is gone. The lights of the city dim as we head farther out of the city center. Alec final stops at a building surrounded by abandoned factories, a flickering light post the only source of light. We climb out onto the parking lot. There’s a forest a bit behind the restaurant. It’s quite dark now. The scene looks eerie, especially with the moon at its fullest.

The restaurant looks like an abandoned-motel-turned-semi-fancy-bar. Though the small windows show an elegant design inside, the outside is cold and dark. The sign announcing the name is crooked with half of the letters scraped off.There is barely any cars parked in the lot.

We walk inside. It smells like burnt oil and cleaning products. The décor looks fancy, but it’s dirty and cheap. Half of the tables are occupied, mostly by big families with screaming children.

A waiter leads us to a table at the far end of the room and passes us menus that look as if they’d been through twenty different catastrophes. We order some drink and the waiter leaves. Alec’s glancing around the room, his leg bouncing. He’s fidgeting with the edge of the menu.

I’m imagining what Ragnor will say when I tell him about this catastrophical date. ‘ _I told you, Magnus, he’ll only break your heart. I knew from the very beginning that you and him are not meant to be._ ’

“Magnus,” Alexanders speaks for the first time in a while. His voice sounds strangled, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” I raise my eyebrows at him.

“For ruining your evening. For screwing this up. I thought it’d be able to do it, but it seems like I can’t. I chose the worst restaurant, took you to a murdery place. I’ve gone on dates with guys before, back at my college, but, somehow, this is different,” he says quietly, “I’m sorry, Magnus. I really wanted for this to work.”

I nod. I imagine Ragnor telling me that this is all a mistake. I remember every heartbreak. And with every heartbreak – every love. None of them made me feel the way this one does. _I’m not giving up on Alexander. I’m not screwing this up, Ragnor, trust me_.

I look at Alec – blue-eyed, black-haired Alexander. I knew he was special the moment I saw him stealing that tulip from my garden. He’s looking at me, waiting for me to speak.

I put my hand on his. “Come on, Alexander. We can still salvage this date. I have an idea.”

***

We climb up to my apartment, take-out Chinese food in hand. Alec is smiling and so am I. He seems so much more laid back. His shoulders and neck aren’t tense anymore. There’s a soft spring to his step that makes him look so attractive.

We step into my apartment. I watch Alec as he pulls off his shoes and jacket. His hair is ruffled. He looks up at me quizzically. I shrug, smiling slightly.

Raphael is in the living room and not amused when he sees Alec and me.

“Back so soon? Was the date _that_ terrible, Magnus? Was Alec _that_ embarrassing?” he says in a mocking voice.

I roll my eyes, but don’t reply. I’ve learned when to use my witty comebacks on Raphael throughout the years. This time, it’s not a good idea to pick a fight with him.

He grunts, gracefully jumps off the sofa and heads towards the front door.

“Have fun. I’m going out,” he says. Ten seconds later I hear the door slamming.

Alec is standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. His hands are hanging uncomfortably at his sides. He has a tall, strong build, yet me manages to make himself look tiny. Or at least he tries to.

“Would you like something to drink?” I ask.

“Sure,” he says, “whatever you’re having.”

I go into the kitchen to make an alcoholic beverage that is definitely better than that restaurant’s ones. When I step out with the drinks in my hands, Alec is seated on the sofa, looking around. I pass him the glass and sit at his side.

We lean back into the cushions, finally close. He takes hold of my hand and looks at me with his blue, blue eyes. They’re like looking up at the sky on the most beautiful day. You feel like you want to fly away into the air, into the blue. My heart flutters in my chest like a pair of bird wings.

“I’m sorry for screwing up the date. I’m sure you were hoping for something nicer than this.” Alec points at the takeout, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Alexander, no more ‘I’m sorry’s,” I say, squeezing his hand, “Every moment I spend with you is perfect.”

He looks up at me, his mouth open in shock, and I know I screwed it all up. Saying something before I think it through is my fatal flaw, the one that pushes people away. I’m about to say something, a joke to elevate the tension or an explanation - I don’t know - but before I can, Alec kisses me. Slow and steady. He cups my chin and pulls me closer. And breaks away, as if embarrassed.

“I-“ I mutter.

“We should eat the food before it goes cold,” Alec clears his throat and says as if nothing has just happened. As if he didn’t just make me fall in love with him even more. As if my heart isn’t about to fly out of my chest.

As we eat, we barely talk. The food is delicious. Or maybe that’s the hunger talking.

When I finish, I put the empty box on the coffee table, then sit cross-legged on the couch, watching Alec.

“So,” I break the silence, “do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

He nods. Then shakes his head. Then nods again. He looks panicked. I take that as a ‘go ahead’.

“Why were you so flustered when we were out on that date? And why did you choose a restaurant so far away? There are plenty of better ones in the center of town.”

He swallows a bite of his food, then puts the rest onto the coffee table. He props his arm on the back of the couch, biting his lip.

“I was scared. Of being seen by someone I know,” he says.

“But didn’t you say-?”

“-that I dated guys before?” he interrupts me, “yes. I did. But that was far away. At my college. My parents don’t know about it. Nor does anyone in this city. I’m worried they’d see me and be suspicious.”

“That’s… understandable, I guess,” I say, “I’ve never had to come out to any of my family, so I wouldn’t know, but I understand.”

“What do you mean none of your family?” Alec furrows his brow.

“It’s a long story,” I smile sadly.

“I’ve got time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the next chapter: Magnus' story


End file.
